Sometimes i feel so frustrated. When i looked around.. observing other people.. their skills, their potentials, their strength, their goals.. i envy them..

I kept thinking what im good at and what i really enjoy doin... I have no clue..
there are things that i can do but i dont enjoy doin them.. there are stuff i cant even do but i enjoyed doing them.. im not good at that.. i stil cant figure out what my strengths are..

This really got me thinking as i was applying to be a volunteer.. they asked me what am i good at?... Im became discouraged.. there's nothing im really good at or something 'mad' abt me which nobody else has.. I listened to lectures here and there.. it gave me a lil bit of idea what to do BUT i ended up doin nothing bcoz i was discouraged.. I guess i need to talk to someone abt this n i need someone to lead me into thinking about these stuff.. I know ive gotta be grateful.. gotta be optimistic.. but i keep forgetting that and all i thought abt were I CANT do this I CANT do that..

I would call that having a Low self esteem.. living with uncertainties.. I dont even have a courage to look for a part time job.. i dont know why.. trying to encourage myself will soon bring abt despairment to myself.. its not gonna work..

milestones of this year gonna be finding out what im good at n enjoy doing it.. finding out my strength and build up my self esteem.. how to do that? i hav no idea.. typing these out makes me want to burst in tears.. believing is not enough.. i need to get up n work on it... what shud i do.. what must i do??... im still lost in despair..