SalaaMs everyone! Ive found this webpage with wonderful videos in it.. The deen show.. How cool is that??

Surf on to thus webpage n enjoy listening to the truth!

http://www.thedeenshow.com/videos.php

Sometimes i feel so frustrated. When i looked around.. observing other people.. their skills, their potentials, their strength, their goals.. i envy them..

I kept thinking what im good at and what i really enjoy doin... I have no clue..
there are things that i can do but i dont enjoy doin them.. there are stuff i cant even do but i enjoyed doing them.. im not good at that.. i stil cant figure out what my strengths are..

This really got me thinking as i was applying to be a volunteer.. they asked me what am i good at?... Im became discouraged.. there's nothing im really good at or something 'mad' abt me which nobody else has.. I listened to lectures here and there.. it gave me a lil bit of idea what to do BUT i ended up doin nothing bcoz i was discouraged.. I guess i need to talk to someone abt this n i need someone to lead me into thinking about these stuff.. I know ive gotta be grateful.. gotta be optimistic.. but i keep forgetting that and all i thought abt were I CANT do this I CANT do that..

I would call that having a Low self esteem.. living with uncertainties.. I dont even have a courage to look for a part time job.. i dont know why.. trying to encourage myself will soon bring abt despairment to myself.. its not gonna work..

milestones of this year gonna be finding out what im good at n enjoy doing it.. finding out my strength and build up my self esteem.. how to do that? i hav no idea.. typing these out makes me want to burst in tears.. believing is not enough.. i need to get up n work on it... what shud i do.. what must i do??... im still lost in despair..

KAdang2 aku terfikir ape yg aku buat ni betul atau salah? Kdg2 aku mempunyai keinginan yg mendalam utk melakarkan sesuatu tetapi aku mundur.. kadangkala aku diburu perasaan kesal yg amat sgt.. rasa benci akan sesuatu atau rasa cinta terhadap sesuatu.. semua perasaan ini membuatkan aku hilang pertimbangan.. hilang pedoman.. aku jadi kusut dlm kekalutan yg menghantui diriku.. Apakah yg harus aku lakukan...

Perasaan itu hadir tanpa dipaksa.. tetapi ia bisa dihakis n dicantas walaupun sukar.. terkadang perasaan yg dicantas itu semakin bertunas bukan semakin menghilang.. Tetapi aku terus cuba utk tidak melayani perasaan yg hadir dari nafsu.. Manakala cinta yg aku dambakan selama ini telah cuba ku tunas tidak lagi berbunga dek dosa2ku yg menggunung dan keikhlasanku yg tercemar..

Kenapa? Mengapa? Cinta itu belum lagi hadir dalam diriku? Cinta itu belum lagi berakar dan mekar dalam sanubariku? Telah ku cuba berkali2 dan ku gagal lagi.. Akan ku cuba utk tidak berputus asa.. Oh Tuhan, cintaMu yg aku dambakan.. Berikan lah aku cintaMu ya Allah!! Hadirkanlah rasa cintaku padaMu dan RasulMu walau setitik pun agar aku dapat pengabdikan cinta itu dan menikmati cinta dan Halawatul Iman.. Hapuskanlah segala rasa cinta yg tidak halal bagiku.. kerana aku adalah insan yg dhaif, hina dan sering terperangkap dalam jurang cinta nafsu yg mengecewakan.. Oh Tuhan.. peliharalah aku ya Allah!

Salahkah aku membenci sifat sesuatu kaum itu? bukan aku membenci mereka.. tapi sifat mereka.. kerana sifat mereka itu telah menghancurkan kasih sayang dan memutuskan persaudaraan.. ia juga telah menghapuskan pahala dan menambah dosa kerana bermegah2.. Ya Allah aku mohon kepadaMu, ampunilah aku, jauhkanlah aku dari sifat al wahhan! CINTA DUNIA DAN TAKUT MATI!! cinta kpd materi dan duniawi.. jadikanlah dunia ini jambatan utk keakhirat.. Amin ya rabbal alamin

Salaams!

It seems that i hav been ignoring my blog these days lol.. It is not that ive got nothing to update. Just that ive got soooo much to tell that i cudnt even type them out.. seriously..

Anyways.. can u believe that a year has passed? its a new year today! I have officially finished 1st year of uni.. time flies eventho ur not having fun.. and now 3weeks had passed ie i had my holiday for 3 weeks now.. hmm i hav no idea what i did.. not very productive i supposed.. family trips here and day.. gatherings.. i just realised how much we spent time together as family that i dont have time for myself. usually during school days ive always spent time by myself be it in the library or on the lawns.. sometimes talking to myself..hehe

Now that 3 weeks over i have 2months and a week to kill.. there are lots of stuff i wanna achieve BUT yeah..
Im not sure what i wanna achieve next year.. we are humans.. of course i have a vision but it is still unclear therefore im too afraid to be too determined.. for example, I do wanna study medicine and be a doctor inshaAllah.. BUT the goal is too far away and I myself is unsure abt it. yep i know ive gotta work on the milestones.. and i noe its not gonna be easy tho.. my sem2 results showed me how i need to study harder next coming years as uni life is not that easy.. altho i studied a month before its hard to get a distinction.. I will need to be more consistent in my studies and my spiritual beings..

When I observed people around me, I knew that in uni im exposed to the first step of real life.. I met all sorts of people be it political influenced, academic achievers, religious people, liberals, so called modern n civilized, atheists etc.. Im still learning how to react when confronting with them.. its not an easy task.. but as long as they dont provoke me or my believes, Im alright with them.. afterall, they are my brothers n sisters in humanity..

I really enjoyed uni life despite all sidebacks hehe.. what happened in the past will teach me how to react on the future.. I will always try to make the most out of today to prepare for the future.. inshaAllah.. and I desperately need to work on my spiritual needs.. Oh Allah please give me Your Love n guidance.. Amin

I just found out a song by saujana..
A nasheed with a mixture of japanese n malay.. soo cool.. LOL
BUT this song is pretty hard to follow.. ive got to look at the lyrics when listening.. and i have on idea what message are they trying to convey.. probably ive gotta refer to a sasterawan hehe.. my BM has deteriorated over time lol.. or perhaps i cud listen to it again anad again.. and try to comprehend what it means




Pengirim : syifa' penawar
from liriknasyid.com

Soutus Sofwa - Jam Tujuh

Salams everyone.. (if there is someone who reads my blog LOL)

ANyways days have been quite busy n relaxing at the same time.. Alhamdulillah im still alive and still able to open my eyes, breathe in the free oxygen without paying a single cent.. Alhamdulillah for all the ni'mah our Lord has given us..

Throughout the day ive been reminincing my childhood which i remembered from listen to nostalgic children nasheeds.. I had wonderful n somehow adventurous childhood i supposed.. haha coz i loved tagging along my older couzzies..

Those words are the only words in my mind right now.. im totally lost, desperately need guidance from the Lord of the Worlds.. Im desparate indeed.. i cant express myself in an orderly manner..
Im scattered..

Sometimes i felt regretful why cant i be like them? Im supposed to do this n that n I shudnt do this and that.. I felt humiliated, discouraged, discontent with myself.. dissapointment, disheartened..

I have to occupy myself somehow this 3 months holiday.. I hav no idea what to do.. shud i commit myself by looking for a job? im lack of self confidence thats the problem.. I felt incompetent to do any work.. i havent find the answer that satisfy my quest..

what shud i do, what must i do, what am i supposed to do? its really hard to please everyone..
I guess i need a space to think n ponder n reflect.. i havent done that for quite some time..

With cascade of events happening in my life recently, i just realised that i dun have a time spent for myself to reflect.. Therefore im going out tomoro.. nowhere to go but i'll follow my instinct..

Oh God, please guide me.. No guidance shall i crave for except for Your Guidance!